Intimacy and Sexual Intimacy
As survivors of sexual abuse, as children, within our families – it is not surprising that so many of us have issues with trust and all that goes with that word.
"Being intimate" has somehow become a polite way of talking about sex and yet, the meaning of the words sex and intimacy are not the same. Simply, sex is a physical act, while intimacy can be physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual or experiential. Sex without intimacy, is reduced to a physical act.
Intimate relationships may exist between two people with physical or emotional closeness. While intimate relationships often include sexual activity, they do not necessarily always include it.
Non-sexual physical intimacy involves close physical proximity and/or touch that helps communicate positive and intimate feelings towards someone without the intention or expectation for it to lead to any sexual activity. How someone likes to give and receive non-sexual physical intimacy may vary from person to person and depend on the status of their relationship/friendship and also with a personal preference of ‘what is normal for me’ – eg hug, embrace, or not etc. Emotional intimacy involves feelings of emotional closeness and connectedness with another person.
Whilst many survivors struggle with both emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy, it is the second one that puts them under the most pressure and is something that is rarely mentioned. However, increasingly as the generations move on, we are finding that more of our members are highlighting this as a key difficulty with existing or past partner/relationships.
Important to remember, also, that self-esteem is important for emotional intimacy and for sexual intimacy.
We give thanks to the GINA project (sister organisation of RSVP Birmingham) for giving us permission to upload the following document on CIS’ters website. The document was created by individuals with lived experience and if you are having issues with sexual intimacy, it might help to read it.